Query: The voice within: Which comes first- a relationship or a successful
The world would be blessed if many people were able to take timely
decisions so vital to them. The system has been made so by God Almighty that we need to introspect all the
time. I have for a very long time wandered over this issue of making a choice between a "successful career"
and "settling in life". So many people ask me this question over and over
Life is a journey ... not a destination. If we think that only after
developing a successful career we shall be settling in the family and if we are successful say at 60 years of
age then would it not be late to marry and settle down. Perhaps for most it would. Here we need to analyze
the meaning of success. Success like life is a journey and not a destination. Why?
For some becoming a successful manager may be the ultimate goal of life. For one who carries
an MBA degree would want to become a CEO ... a vast contradiction yet both are correct. In the present
materialistic age (the Kali Yuga) we need to establish ourselves on a firm footing before we indulge in married
life ... this means that we have to take care of the basic needs required in a family before we need to settle
down. The basic needs only ... and thereafter we can marry and settle down.
The ultimate goal of life can be far off and our would-be spouse could be
of real help in motivating us towards the desired goal. But before we have plans for marrying ... we must
have sufficient to cover the basic needs of the family. The basic needs consist of all dependents ... be they
our parents' brothers or sisters or anyone else.
There was a time in the society when people generally settled down in
life at a mere age of 21 years. Time has now come when we find engineers settling down only after 25 years of
age and those in the medical profession around 28 years of age. We normally find the film stars ... the
actors settling down late in life ... perhaps after 35 years of age of so.
In my own life when I competed my engineering ... my father already had a
running business ... I married and settled down as I started on my business career. But most of my friends
who had to search for a job married something around 4-5 years later. One only requires to take care of the
basic needs before settling down in life ... this is a very very essential part of life as I have seen and
observed people settling down in life first even before they had a job in hand. Result ... most were a
If we are satisfied with the basic needs then there is no gossip, no
comments to be made ... if we settle down in married life even before having a successful career then it is
difficult to bear with the comments and the torment passed on us by family members, friends and the society.
It is but natural ... none is at fault!
The definition of success varies with every individual ... we need to have an initial modest goal of life to
fulfill our basic needs ... then we should settle down in married life ... and finally pursue the ultimate goal of
life. Whatever be the insistence of the family, friends and the society we must never settle down in life before
pursuing a career. We are Human Beings not animals ... we need to think twice before making the final
Intermittent goals are a part of life. Stretching the self towards a
goal, which is not practical and quite unachievable, will only make us unhappy. Everyone in the society
cannot become Bill Gates. As life proceeds we should go on stretching our goal ... stretching it to the
limits we can bear and sustain. There is no point following a goal, which is fixed, by our elders or anyone
else other than us. Many people I have come across in life had goals not of their making. If we pursue goals,
which are not of our choice, then it is most likely that we are going to fail ... and the very same people
who fixed the goal for us would blame us for the failure.
In the present society ... the advancement in science and technology has made it almost mandatory for everyone to
fix a goal in life first before pursuing it. Drifting in life is very dangerous ... it can only lead to stresses
and finally drugs! We must always try to pursue the goal, which is prompted by our atman the soul within. Our atman
the soul within ... the sweet small inner voice always guides us on the right path ... only we have to develop the
capability to hear and follow it.
When Bill Gates was turned out of the school for not performing well ...
bookish knowledge did not matter much for the would-be Bill Gates ... he only had a fixed goal in life and
pursued it rigorously ... what followed him was fame and success. Bill Gates inherently followed the voice
from within ... he always did what he wanted to do ... not what was desired of him! He succeeded in life! We
are not supposed to follow blindly ... this trait is characteristic of animals ... not us Human Beings. We
have been given the most precious source of energy in the Cosmos ... the power of thought ... the power of
discrimination ... the power to think good of all.
At this stage of life do not worry much about finding the right partner
... only think of fulfilling your basic needs first. Once you arrive at the initial goal of your life ...
then find a suitable partner and settle down. What a lovely life it would be!
May God bless you!
Always there to clarify your queries (send your query),
Vijay Kumar "Atma Jnani" ... The Man who Realized God in 1993!
Full text of query: Well...I am a musician, and teacher, most of my life. and I am greatful
for my many students. They have in a sense become my surrogate family. You know as I write this I realize
that what seems missing is a women who will become my partner, someone in whom I can feel like part of a
family. Someone who I can love. In my imagination I can test out how it would feel to be very successful,
having all my physical needs met etc.
But without a relationship it all would be empty. Which comes first. . .
a relationship or successful career? seems a conflict of goals. I can try to do both. . . How do you decide
what to do next? This is a serious question, because our lives are shaped by our thoughts and actions. I'm
sitting here with so many choices that I often feel paralyzed. Shall I delve deep into the issues of desire,
finding God's will with you now?
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